Standing firm in intimidating situations 💪

📣 This month we’re focusing on confident assertiveness to celebrate the second edition of my book, Pushback, now out! More on why it's a big deal below. 📣

Ever been steamrolled by an intimidating boss? I have. 😰 

Back in my corporate job, after what felt like the twelfth “re-org” in two years, I learned I’d be getting a new boss—and let me tell you, she was a powerhouse. She had an encyclopedic knowledge of our industry and could rattle off studies, stats, and insights in her sleep. Not to mention, she had years of extensive experience with a range of clients—a major form of currency in the management consulting world. But... it often felt like she used her expertise as a weapon to intimidate rather than a tool to inspire. 

One of her most toxic traits was her habit of correcting or dismissing others in front of clients—it created such a tense environment. It was like her intelligence was her armor, used to shield herself from feeling vulnerable and make others feel small. I’ll never forget a Zoom meeting where she spent the entire time instant messaging me with “corrections” and feeding me new lines as I was speaking to the client. Oof.

That’s when I finally gave it a name: intimidation. And when I looked closer, I realized there are actually different flavors of intimidation that can chip away at our confidence and self-belief. Recognizing these helped me put it all into perspective:

Intellectual Intimidation: When someone overwhelms you with complex language, data, or jargon to make you feel unqualified.

Psychological Intimidation: Using manipulation, threats, or mind games to shake your confidence or control your actions.

Physical Intimidation: Using physical presence, aggressive body language, or raised voices to dominate or scare someone.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but if you’ve ever felt intimidated by a boss, senior leader, or industry “rockstar,” you’re definitely not alone. Here’s how I learned to keep my confidence intact when I’m up against intimidation; maybe they can help you too.

Quick Confidence Tips to Neutralize Intimidation

1. Mindset: Challenge your assumptions. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by someone who seems to have it all—more experience, confidence, or power. But the truth is, what you see on the outside is only part of the story. Many people we see as strong and assured are struggling internally. And those who intimidate are often projecting their own insecurities. So let's not make assumptions about who a person “really is” or why they behave the way they do. One transformational mindset shift can be to decide that their perceived power doesn’t in any way diminish your value.

   
   

2. Interpersonal: Build rapport anyway. Even if someone skips the pleasantries and is all business, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to do some relationship-building. With my former boss, I realized that while I’d seen her intimidating side, there were probably other layers to uncover. So, instead of staying distant, I made an effort to build rapport by asking curious, thoughtful questions. Here are a few of my favorites: “I noticed you mentioned [topic]. I’ve been exploring that too—can you tell me more?” or “We both seem passionate about [shared interest]. What sparked your interest in it?” or “I read a really interesting article about [topic]. Have you come across it?" Building that connection can help humanize the relationship and take some of the power imbalance out of the equation.

   
   

3. Embodied: Keep your chin up. When we’re feeling intimidated, we might unconsciously shrink—looking down, avoiding eye contact, or closing off our body language. But that can signal insecurity and disinterest; in some cases, lowering your chin can signal submission or deference. One simple yet powerful adjustment: keep your chin up and look forward. Research shows that maintaining an open posture and eye contact conveys confidence, pride, engagement, and interest. Facing your conversation partner head-on can make a huge difference in how you come across and are treated. A slight lift shows quiet confidence and keeps your posture strong. 💪

Feeling intimidated is normal when you’re dealing with authority figures or experts. But the key is not letting it dictate how you show up. When you recognize the dynamics at play and apply these strategies, you can navigate challenging relationships confidently and assertively. After all, your contributions matter—regardless of others’ expertise or bluster.  

Have you ever felt intimidated in a work setting? How did you handle it? Let’s talk about it in the comments!👇

Pushback 2.0 and Quick Confidence in paperback!

The second edition of my book Pushback, and the paperback of my book Quick Confidence are now out!

Unusual? Definitely. I don't know of any authors who've had a dual book release. Books need to sell a lot of copies to merit a second edition (yay, Pushback!) or paperback version (yay, Quick Confidence!), so I'm pretty honored and excited about this.

If you want to be part of the movement, order Pushback 2.0 for yourself, mom, team, friends, daughter, niece... you get the idea. Preorders help more people learn about the book and increase its chance of getting on a bestseller list. And if you've been patiently waiting for the paperback edition of Quick Confidence, your wait is over! You can order the paperback version now. Thank you as always for your continued support!