Push back š« against a pushy coworker
Ever been in a meeting where a colleague treated you like a subordinate, even though you were peers? š¤
Iāve been there.Ā I vividly recall a time when I worked alongside a colleagueāletās call him Mike. We were both on the same level, striving to help our clients improve employee engagement, yet in meetings, Mike would routinely position himself as my superior. Heād suggest I handle the āoffice houseworkā like scheduling and note-taking (a burden more often placed on women and people of color, btw) while reserving the spotlight tasks for himself.
Each time, I walked away from those meetings feeling more frustrated, irritated, and, frankly, defeated.
If youāve had a āMikeā in your work life, you know how these situations can chip away at your confidence, making it harder to assert yourself the more you let things slide. But there's good news:Ā You can take back your power!Ā Use the strategies below to be more assertive and ensure youāre being treated as the valuable contributor you are.
Quick Confidence Tips to Assert Yourself with a Pushy Coworker:
Interpersonal:Ā Enlist your managerās support.Ā Proactive communication with your manager can provide much-needed air cover. If your manager backs you up when you need to decline work being delegated to you by your peers, it makes it that much easier for you to say no in the first place. So the next time a colleague tries to rope you into a non-critical task, let them know that while you aim to be a team player, you also need to prioritize high-impact work. Your managerās support reinforces your boundaries and makes it clear to pushy colleagues that your time is valued.
Mindset:Ā Stay ready with a few quick comebacks.Ā Letās be real: thinking on your feet isnāt always easy, especially when emotions are running high. Thatās why having a few assertive responses at the ready is helpful. For example, if someone says, āHereās how weāre going to divvy up the work,ā you might push back with, āThatās one way to do it. I recommend weā¦ā Or, if they try to sign you up for a new project, say, āThatās an interesting project, but itās not realistic with my current workload,ā or āI need to talk to my manager about it firstā (see the first tip). When in doubt, you can always say you need to think it over to avoid a āYesā that youāll regret laterāthis is particularly important for women who, according to research, are expected to be more agreeable than men.Ā
Embodied:Ā LOLāYes, laugh out loud!Ā Humor can be a powerful tool to diffuse tension and take control of a situation. When Mike-like colleagues suggest you handle the grunt work, try lightening the mood with a quip like, āDid I sign up for the grunt work and somehow forget? Thanks, Iāll take a hard pass!ā This strategy can catch them off guard, making them reconsider their approach. Remember that using humor to diffuse an uncomfortable situation isnāt about avoidance or deflection. Here, it's used as a tool to acknowledge the absurdity of the request without attacking the other person and while maintaining your own composure.
Dealing with a colleague who consistently oversteps can be draining, but these tips allow you to respond without being confrontational. By standing up and pushing back professionally, you protect your peace of mind and build a reputation as someone assertive and confident who values their own contributions.
What strategies have you used to assert yourself at work? Share your experiences in the commentsāIād love to hear how youāve handled your own āMikes.ā
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