Own your weird 💥: how quirks create connection and confidence

A few weeks ago I joined a meeting with a group of parents, and the host had us do one of those classic icebreakers: “Tell us a fun fact about yourself.” Everyone’s favorite, right?! 🥴

Now, I definitely contemplated playing it safe: something like “I love hiking on weekends” or “I’ve traveled to X number of countries.” But instead, I went extra weird and shared that I have a habit of talking to my plants like they’re my coworkers. The room burst out laughing. And me? I felt this immediate surge of relief and ease, and even confidence flood in! That moment reminded me of something: being yourself—even the weird parts—is way more fulfilling and connecting than playing it safe.

It hits everyone at some point: the pressure to fit a mold or hide what makes us different, especially at work. But trying to be perfect is, well…exhausting. And, frankly, boring. When you lean into your true self, even the quirks and imperfections, you actually connect more deeply with others. It’s the difference between being liked for your real voice versus being tolerated for a polished act. We are good at detecting when others are fake, and it’s not appealing!

Research backs this up. According to a 2020 study by Harvard Business Review, authenticity in leadership strongly correlates with higher employee engagement and trust. Leaders who openly share their challenges and quirks don’t just build teams; they create motivated, loyal cultures.

"But Selena," you might be thinking, "What if I’m rejected for my weirdness? What if it’s too weird, or I work in an environment where I’m in a minority?" To that I say, it’s true: people in a minority at work are often overly scrutinized, and not everyone will love everyone’s quirks. I find it helpful to remember it’s not all or nothing: you can keep some quirks private and let others out in the sun. Everyone has silly or endearing habits—no matter our gender, orientation, ethnicity—that are humanizing. Do you eat pizza with a fork? Do you have an elaborate skin care routine? A good-luck pair of socks? 

Start owning your weird in a way that builds confidence and connection. Here are three actionable tips to make authenticity your secret sauce:

Quick Confidence Tips to Embrace Your Weird

1. Interpersonal: Share More To Connect Better.

Next time you’re in a meeting or even a casual conversation, challenge yourself to share one small but authentic detail about yourself. It could be a hobby you’re passionate about, a funny or unexpected story, or even a challenge you’re currently facing. This kind of genuine sharing can feel vulnerable, but it creates a powerful ripple effect. When you take the lead in being open, it often encourages others to lower their guard and be authentic as well. Over time, these small moments build a foundation of trust and deepen your relationships, making interactions more meaningful and less transactional.

2. Embodied: Let Your Body Speak Your Truth. 

Instead of trying to “perform” confidence, focus on mirroring your true feelings through your body language. For instance, if you feel genuinely excited about a point you’re making, let your smile take over your face and your energy come through naturally (you might even move your hands!). If you’re reflecting deeply or considering a complex idea, allow yourself a natural pause, maybe a slow breath or a glance upward, rather than forcing a smile or fidgeting. The key is syncing your inner emotional state with your outward expressions. This alignment signals to others that you’re genuine and trustworthy, creating presence and connection without seeming rehearsed or fake.

3. Mindset: Be Valued for You, Not a Mask.

Rather than exhausting yourself by chasing perfection or trying to fit a mold, I want to share a liberating mantra I’ve adopted that I think can help you too: “I’d rather be loathed for who I am than loved for something I’m not.” This radical honesty frees you from the pressure to please everyone or hide your quirks. When you fully own your authentic self—flaws, oddities, and all—you stop living in fear of judgment. This freedom is the foundation of true confidence. When you make the choice to prioritize being real over being liked, your confidence doesn’t just survive tough moments. It thrives, because you’re living closer to the truth.

Your quirks, twists, and eccentricities are your confidence. So own your weird boldly and unapologetically. The world—and your team—needs your realness now more than ever.

Now I want to hear from you: What’s one quirky or original thing about you that’s helped boost your confidence or deepen connection at work? Share your story in the comments below and we can celebrate owning our weird together!