How to feel sure of yourself (even when youāre not) š
- selenarezvani
- May 22
- 3 min read

A few years ago, I had my first studio filming opportunityāone of thoseĀ career-makingĀ moments. I was about to record content for a large audience and what felt like an even larger film crew.Ā
I had rehearsed my material, but as I waited for my turn, I could feel the confidence draining out of me. My heart pounded against my ribs, my hands went cold, and I had the sudden primal urge toĀ bolt out of the room. Aaaack!
But then I caught myself. Instead of spiraling, I reminded myself of something I had read:Ā Confidence isnāt a feelingāitās a set of actions.Ā
So I straightened my posture, took a deep breath, and walked up to speak as if I belonged there.
And guess what?Ā I did.Ā āŗļø
My approach to dealing with my nerves that day is not a personal life hack. Itās backed by research. A study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology showed that acting confidentāeven when you donāt feel itāincreases self-assurance over time because the brain takes behavioral cues from the body.Ā
Even if it feels unnatural at first, your body and mind will start to align with practice, building real confidence from the outside in. So, if youāre in a moment where you feel anythingĀ butĀ confident, here are a few "Do's" to ensure you look and sound self-assured until your brain catches up.
Quick Confidence Tips to act confident before you feel it
Embodied:Ā Be conspicuous.Ā When weāre nervous, we instinctively shrink: crossed arms, hunched shoulders, jittery movements. But confidence is the oppositeāit's expansive. So, before you walk into a room, do a quick self-check:Ā Stand tallāfeet planted, shoulders back.Ā Take up spaceāno shrinking, crossing arms, or fidgeting.Ā Slow down your movementsāfast, jerky motions signal nervous energy. When you sit or stand in a way thatās tall, āspacious,ā and smooth, you send a powerful signal to yourself and everyone around you. Check in with yourself throughout the day about this. Adjust your posture, relax your shoulders, or lift your chin. Those small shifts add up to a powerful presence.
Interpersonal:Ā Put some āoomphā behind your words.Ā Confidence isnāt just in how you look or stand. Itās in how you speak. Hereās how to tweak your communication for instant credibility:Ā Ditch the question inflectionāwhen statements sound like questions (āI think this will work?ā), it undercuts authority.Ā Use more air, not more volumeāa strong, steady breath gives you a natural, confident tone.Ā Embrace silenceāfilling every gap with āumā and āyou knowā makes you sound uncertain. Well-placed pauses add power to your message. By making these simple adjustments to how you speak, youāll sound more confident and reinforce your presence in every conversation. Because itās not just what you say. Itās how you say it that makes all the difference.
Mindset:Ā Think āas ifā and act the part.Ā Still notĀ feelingĀ confident? No problem. Ask yourself:Ā How would a confident person act right now?Ā Then do that. A confident person wouldnāt over-explaināso keep it short. A confident person wouldnāt rushāso slow your pace. A confident person wouldnāt seek permissionāso state your idea clearly and let it land. You donāt need to feel different to show up differently. Once you startĀ actingĀ confidently, the real feeling of confidence soon follows.
Confidence isnāt something you have to wait around for. Itās something youĀ practice into being.Ā The way you carry yourself, the way you speak, the way you choose to show upāthese are the signals your brain picks up on and eventually starts to believe. So even if you donāt feel ready, steady, or sure⦠you can still act like someone who is. Then watch that āas ifā confidence become the real thing.
Try it today:Ā Whatās one small way you can āborrowā confidence from your future self? Hit reply and tell meāIād love to hear.
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