How to be a good conversationalist: Building confidence one chat at a time 💬

Ever walk into a room full of people who seem like naturals at conversation while you're busy rehearsing lines in your head? 😬

I’ll never forget starting my first corporate job after taking a career break to raise my kids. I walked into the orientation event with about 30 others and immediately felt out of my depth.

Everyone around me seemed up on the latest, effortlessly gliding from one conversation to the next, laughing and chatting as if they’d known each other for years. Even their fashion was on point. I, on the other hand, felt as outdated and clunky as a dial-up modem in a Wi-Fi world.

Should I talk about work? Ask about their weekend? Maybe compliment someone’s outfit? I really wanted to make a good impression, but the more I focused on finding the perfect thing to say, the more nervous I became.

Sigh. It was mentally draining and left me feeling deflated. 😣

It wasn’t until I flipped the script from “how can I be interesting to the other person” to actually paying attention to them that it finally clicked: The key to being interesting... is to be interested. Being a confident conversationalist is about connection, not perfection.

If you’ve ever felt that same anxiety or struggled to keep a conversation flowing, you’re not alone. But the good news is, by practicing the strategies below, you can become a more confident and engaging conversationalist:

Quick Confidence Tips to Be a Confident Conversationalist

1. Mindset: Shine the spotlight outward. One of the biggest obstacles to confident conversation is the fear of being judged. We often worry about saying the wrong thing or not being interesting enough. One solution is to shift your mindset from self-focus to other-focus. Instead of thinking, “What should I say next?” ask, “What can I learn about this person?” Approaching conversations with curiosity takes the pressure off you to “perform” and allows you to engage more naturally. Remember, most people love being asked about themselves, so showing genuine interest instantly makes you more likable and confident. Starters include "What is that like for you?" "How are you finding that?" and "I'm curious how you got into XYZ..."

   
   

2. Embodied: Think of your shoulders as welcome gates. Your body language speaks volumes before you even say a word. To project confidence and show you’re fully engaged, practice an open posture—shoulders back, arms uncrossed, and your body facing the person you’re speaking with. It’s like subconsciously pointing out the best view in the room! 😉 Squaring up this way with your conversation partner signals to your brain that you’re confident and ready to connect while making you appear more approachable and attentive.

   
   

3. Interpersonal: Make a callback. One of the most powerful ways to connect in conversation is to reference something the other person mentioned earlier—a story, an example or an opinion they shared. For example, if someone tells you early on they're a volunteer chair for a company employee resource group, you might say later (after talking about work challenges): “Speaking of giving back, you mentioned earlier that you volunteer a lot—how do you find time for that alongside your career?” This shows that you’re truly listening, which builds trust and rapport. When people feel heard, conversation flows more easily, boosting your confidence and creating a positive feedback loop. 

Confidence in conversation isn’t about dazzling people with witty remarks or profound insights. It’s about genuine connection. By shifting your focus to the other person, using open body language, and making thoughtful callbacks, you’ll make conversations more meaningful—and boost your confidence in the process.

What’s your go-to strategy for keeping a conversation flowing? Share your tips in the comments!

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My keynote speeches and workshops incorporate action learning and improv techniques to provide forward-thinking strategies that can be implemented immediately. My experience speaking to professionals spans a range of industries. Some of my clients include: The World Bank, Under Armour, Microsoft, Harvard University, and Johnson & Johnson. Don't miss out on this opportunity to level up your organization’s leadership skills; book me today for your next keynote or workshop!